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For what it's worth, I get where you're coming from. I think a lot of trouble comes from when I feel unjustified in my emotions, which then turn the negative emotions inward as a way to blame myself. I try to remind myself that I don't need enough reason to feel things, that my feelings are my own & I can feel anything I want. Hoping you feel better soon.
yeah, i get that. i think its just a lot of things getting to me, maybe. at the end of the day, i still feel what i feel, and i think thats okay. thanks for the advice and the kind words!
I'm sorry you feel that way and it's so nice that you have so much insight over self-destructive tendencies. Hope you can find a healthy way to express your feelings and cope, at least while you can't get away from people who abuse you.
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Super fun to read your dreamy muse-prose-poem-vision. I especially love the way you describe the water going down and down. And checkov's harpoon guns! A real treat.
I've also been debating moving to some sort of site generator recently, now that I have less time to enjoy fussing around with the details and keeping sections synced. Tempted by the prospect of PHP but might just go the static site generator route to avoid hosting fees for now. Any suggestions or lessons to share?
PHP and SSI are both fantastic if you have them- there's a good bit of that sprinkled around my site (for example: automated rollover of sitelogs is via PHP includes). Eleventy is supposed to be the easiest SSG to learn- I tried, but honestly, I've been happier rolling my own scripts. There's a lot of Python glueing things together before they get uploaded. DIYing it makes the setup make innate sense to me.
Definitely depends how much time you want to spend on it, though, and what you find fun. A SSG almost certainly takes less time to learn than the time it takes to write and debug your own scripts (though it depends on implementation). But rolling my own scripts is enjoyable to me and is indirectly teaching me how SSGs work- I've had to read about them to work out how to implement a very simple version of them myself.
This may also be helpful: https://owlsroost.xyz/articles/2023-12-23-reducing-html-redundancy.html
web1.0hosting.net supports SSI, possible to reuse HTML, much more convenient
Thanks for the tips! And the link to the article I knew you had but couldn't find. I suspect we have similar code-loving system-designing brains so I'm VERY tempted to make my own ssg but I have so little free time with the new job. Might start with eleventy and see if it annoys me enough to write up something that'll paste static bits together for me and convert markdown to html for essays.