i hope you recover soon! it's good that you're so into active sporty activities. i'm sure no one will forget. hopefully they will welcome you back when you get better 💪 anyway, accidents happen, it wasn't your fault!
Depression tricks you into thinking you're a terrible person. I'm sure you're not... just try to find a way out of that.
You DON'T deserve to be depressed! Why would you deserve that? You tried hard. And it didn't have the consequence you hoped it would have. That sucks. You can't help it being you. You can't help being born either. Social stuff is hard. But please, don't think you deserve depression. Don't make yourself feel bad for the sake of making yourself feel bad. I'm having trouble explaining my words to you. good luck!
https://genius.com/Radiohead-fitter-happier-lyrics
Being happy seems difficult, unnatural even. We evolved to outrun tigers, not to be euphoric. First step is having something to wake up for tomorrow instead of wishing for the end. I have a game to finish, a novel to write, and some code to clean up. Mundane, but good enough. Meditation and good art help make me feel content. I neither want nor have a SO, so no need to impress with my skillz/sexiness.