Neocities.org

chasing worthless fiat currency isn't a worthwhile goal. become a holy fool, bodhisattva boyo

I feel like what you're describing isn't anonymity so much as being without identity? You can be anonymous and still be in conversation with others (that's precisely what you're doing with this website). Your old writing disappears, but, in my mind at least, the same siqu as before remains. Even an anonymous identity, as long as you acknowledge it, can be enough to give you purpose and "something to shoot for".

Writing about real life is very hard. I struggle a lot with the blog post format, always seeking other ways to approach the issues that haunt me in my “real life”. Poetry, fiction, or in between genres like the “I-novel” — maybe there are other ways you can view your writing that can give you some of the freedom of anonymity while still giving you a reason to escape from the nothingness you feel you keep returning to

you're right in that it's about accepting the pseudonymous position instead of always discarding every username you come up with. It usually feels like driving a rental and you're waiting for the visitation to end; in some ways that's the nothingness since you've sectioned yourself as the perpetual tourist

one could suppose the difficulty in real life reflection isn't necessarily making up the contents but accepting them. In this sense, blog posts can be too visceral and, in some respects, antithetical to why anyone would ever bother to create anything -- to soften or to escape not only for yourself but bringing along others too. Let's hope to find such alternatives, maybe (´･ω･`)

words matter, they matter a lot, even the ones you write only for yourself. and it's not about money, never was until the bigtech surveillance conglomerate wanted to financialize every human interaction.

I guess "money" is a proxy for "doing cool things" and words don't feel very cool anymore since they're too devalued in the internet age (´･ω･`)

like the palpable reality is that even if writing is fun and a way to pass time or process things, after doing that for a few years and (incidentally) writing about the same things over and over like in an insane asylum, the only step forward left is to stop writing, maybe -- it's hard to see how words matter when it ends up being a timesink into nothingness which is boring, why do that when you can just stare walls

im gonna del this account so im not tempted to write again -- thx for the comment as it made me realize i need to take the next step 😃

Godspeed, siqu. I hope you find clarity for yourself. for what it's worth, i enjoyed every minute i spent reading your website. in fact i enjoyed every word on it.

thanks, hopefully you find your answers or places to go next

here we go again...

i always had the impression your writing was orbiting around something but could never quite reach it - maybe some things cannot be accessed through words

I just have a mild case of autism

anyway I'm not going to give into the surveillance conglomerate state and three letter agencies and will try again... thx guys (´･ω･`)

四取乾杯!! x1000

never give up, glownaggers are demons incarnate

re: writing about the same things over and over, I always feel paranoid about this too, but ultimately this is just the nature of trying to write something meaningful: the things that actually matter can't really be understood on one's first attempt. Even if it feels like you're just repeating yourself constantly, your thinking evolves and your focus changes

Like many other valuable hobbies (e.g. meditation or exercise) writing is extremely limited in the kind of self-understanding it can provide, yet it is still a completely unique form of understanding that can't really be obtained anywhere else. Similarly, as an art form, there is so much that language can't express, but it's still possible to do so much with what it can express, so long as expectations are realistic.