because you said you were running out of things to put in your diary, couldn't you write about things you DO like? even if there's not many things you like, it's at least something interesting to write about

"there are so many different ways to write about just one feeling, or experience, and none of those ways feel adequate enough". i think that's such a beautiful way to describe your relationship with poetry ˊᗜˋ i love everything you published this update, especially "Breathless".

yeah, now that i think on it a little more, i think the inadequacy of words is what makes writing beautiful, too. maybe its not such a bad thing after all ^^ glad you enjoyed the poetry for this update btw, breathless was so fun to write, i'm happy you really like that one <3

I love this wine poem 🥹... It feels like I’m right there in the moment.....💗💞

thank you <3

you really got to that feeling when it comes to making a script for a video essay, or debating someone. no matter what i say, i'll never get the true feeling out. words aren't enough. lyrics are almost enough - that's it.

Words are a very complicated thing, you can never fully relay everything you mean no matter how many words you use. While its more about the concept of relaying memory, im reminded of this exchange in Metal Gear Solid 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdiDL19JWAI . Its one of my favorite moments from the series.

I noticed that 'slow evening' has rhymes, and ut suprised me, in good way. Out of the three of them, 'metronome' caught my attention the most - your storytelling is amazing, as always.

Why can't you have a normal, happy life?

Experimental pages are a great idea. Also if you don't thing your sites finished and theres more you want to do, thats the truth.

I really respect how honest and open you are. It takes a lot of courage to show your true self, and not everyone can do that. It's something I really admire about you.

thank you, those words genuinely mean a lot to me <3 i just try to be myself, i guess. im happy to know my words mean that much to you ^^

That end part of the diary entry hit too close to home this time brother, lol. It's okay, I'm 25 and still figuring out how to be an adult :)

Indeed, with hardship comes ease. Year 2025 will be better.........keep going blue

Wow, the poems are amazing! I love the poem "Orphan."

@wiredphantom thank you for the kind words as always. i hope 2025 is a good year for you too <3

Not having any friends can feel incredibly sad....i feel you

I mean real friends

yeah, its pretty suffocating. thank you for understanding <3

I noticed you seemed frustrated about the diary entries being disorganized or too potent. Idk if it helps, but I didn't feel like that was too big of an issue. Your writings are already good enough. We won't be disappointed or upset if you process things a different way some days. I hope that helps a little at least...

i wish i could hug you, blue. i don't know if this is weird to ask, but do you have access to therapy? i'm trying to start going now before i ruin myself over similar experiences. it's like you said in "Glaciers" — life doesn't slow down for us, but we choose how we respond to it, and that's how we grow.

ive thought about therapy a lot, but im still not sure if im ready to speak that intimately about my problems to someone irl like that. its just really tense, i guess. but, if im ever ready for it, ill try to give it a chance. thank you for the kind words as always, it means a lot to me <3

I relate a lot to so much of this and the last entry as im going through very similar things. It's been comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling similarly. And if anything, I hope maybe you can feel a little comfort not feeling alone too.

this shit is art

I felt so moved while reading your poem.........it’s truly touching.

@wiredphantom thank you, im happy to know it resonated with you <3

q&a page has been updated, have fun

i, too, regret getting into danganronpa

yay!

“part of me truly does hate people who are optimistic.” SAME

like im fake optimistic because i dont want to see other people complain about nothing. but in my heart im super negative and a bit spiteful actually

now i feel like you are me and i am you .........i am feeling the same way in my college nowdays..........

its nice to know im not alone in these feelings at least. thank you both <3

"Glaciers" was a beautiful read. could i ask what inspired that piece? i kind of interpreted it as life always moving, whether you want it to or not. you don't know where it'll take you, but you'll be forced to change along the way—like water to ice. And it's scary at first, but your growth leads you to something beautiful.

thats basically what its about actually!! ^^ it's meant to sound like someone having a realization that the pain they've endured helped them grow into who they are now, a beautiful person. the main inspirations were both my own personal experience, and a song named 'trial' by the pillows. it has a very winter-y tone to it, and the lyrics cover some pretty similar topics. im glad you enjoyed this one <3

also, you're definitely not alone with your recent journal entry. it gets better though, and i really mean that ♡ also, my first impression of you was that you were a very genuine person, and i'm sure others see that too when they're around you.

@blue sorry, i just take forever to think and type ToT i love that there's so much of your own experiences put into it though—that makes it much more beautiful. i've been meaning to find more jrock bands too, so that song was a nice surprise :) have a good day blue !!

hope you have a good day too! and thank you for the kind words as always <3

nah i don't think it's petty to dislike people objectifying your work. "minor" things can affect people in major ways. it's like how when people listen to depressing japanese songs and say "Wow, this sounds to happy! If only it wasn't for the lyrics..." like I don't get how it sounds happy. In most cases, it's probably not meant to. It's just a weird interpritation that peoples' misery is "so kawaii xdxd"

i completely agree.. i've gotten a lot more stressed about how peole view my site. it feels like people just see it as an aesthetic instead of something i put work into, something that is like an extension of me almost

Man, that diary entry pulled some complicated feelings from deep within me, ones that I usually bury. But no, wanting to be truly seen, and not just simply looked at, is not hateful, spiteful, or bitchy.

Big agree on what niicespiice said, all these parts are not at odds with one another, they are part of the same whole.

I don't like your site *just because* there are bunch of pretty blinkling lights, and not *just because* there is a diary with a lot of venting, I like it because it feels like I'm stepping into someone's home, treating it any other way feels disrespectful.

At the end of the day, we have to hold those who earnestly try to see us for who we are close to us, and tell the others to kindly piss off.

not bitter. i get you. theres a large crowd that scrubs the personality out of anything in favor of aesthetics; dont even read the words people write, just admire the layouts etc etc. i cant help but play with code and try to make things look nice, but sometimes it does certainly feel like thatll be the only thing that ever 'matters'

I think it’s like when people only compliment appearance, but not character. Even if you changed your website to just a blank page I would still wait for updates, to know that you are well and for love to your poetry. Your layout it’s beautiful - it showcases your interests and hard work, but it’s not the best nor only part of velvetblue - you are.

I recently followed your site because I respected your site approach, but knew it and liked it even before that. I think there are more shy people like that than there are the kind of people you're talking about here. :)

also for the record, i don't care for the "old web revival" stuff. i look at neocities to see peoples' personal thoughts, but i don't care about it as some sort of "let's bring back the old internet." i don't LIKE modern social media but i also don't care about the old internet either, ykyk? they have their own flaws, and it feels very "owo im quirky," obsessing over retro things.

when an artistic work is released to the public, it inevitably becomes an entity with a life of its own separate from its creator. this happens with novels, paintings, and yes websites. for better or worse, this is just the reality of art let out into the world

i guess you just have to determine whether the good connections you make by going public outweigh the reactions you perceive as negative, and just enjoy the process of creation

I have a lot of mixed feelings about Neocities' social-media features (follows, view counts, stats, number of likes), and I could do without them, I've been thinking of dusting off my coding skills to make a userscript to hide that stuff.

However I do appreciate the message & comments feature, in some ways it feels like a slightly more exclusive guestbook, since you know that these are other webmasters who are more likely to appreciate and engage with what you put out, instead of passersby who are just in it for the c00l aesthetic.

I understand. I'm conflicted about this too. I want my next web project to be a very personal thing for me. At the same time, I lament about how people are going to receive it. Eventually my website starts to feel awkward. Like I don't know where to put it. Or if I should host it anywhere at all.

For everybody here, web design is another art form. Can't say the same for other people though. No matter what you do, just know that you have my support. Expressing yourself, especially like this, takes a lot.

reply to soulbox: I also used to feel conflicted about wanting to make my art for myself but also wanting it to be received well by others, I eventually landed on "creating not just for personal expression, but for communication, not to be liked by people, but to be understood", that mindset sort of resolved that for me, personally.

While I don't usually reply to site updates, I do remember to check them every week. I don't think most people separate someone's personality and their site on here maliciously, but it is 100% valid to be frustrated at that. I love aesthetics as much as the next person, but it's really the authors' words and expression of themselves that ultimately makes me keep checking back in on their sites, including yours.