Neocities.org

Another blog update... probably am going to stop posting the blog updates in the site log unless it's pertaining to a new page, since it feels like it's getting clogged lmao. Anyway new entry which is 70% just me whining. go figure!

Ahhh Kiley, I hope you're able to sort through everything! We're really are worst critics honestly. Maybe you can relate, but I find that coming to the end of a chapter can evoke weird feelings within all areas of your life--it can be really hard!

New diary entry with some mild yappage... I feel like I don't have a lot to say at the moment, oops.

New shrine and book log/reviews page are up! Yesterday was the atelier's first anniversary, also– time sure does fly, huh?

I survived finals and my japanese class midterm! Just don't ask about the sheer difference in grade between my speaking/reading and written lmao. New diary entry and hopefully some more soon... alternate title: everything is happening so much

Congrats on finishing your degree!!! Also chopping off your hair must feel nice. Mine is also starting to give me touch issues around my neck -_-... hope you get well soon

@amy thank you!! it really does, hopefully you can get yours cut soon too, it's seriously so freeing

Congrats on your degree, that's so exciting. Your hard work paid off. I love reading your diary when you have the time. It's so charming to see your lil adventures and experiences! Hope you feel better soon ♡

@bree thank you so much, that's so kind of you ;__; luckily i'm only left with a bit of a croaky voice but other than that i'm right as rain!!

okayyyy so i didn't get in another spring entry, but i have a larger wall of text for my first summer one... alternate title: i touched grass but near mt fuji this time

the new summer diary page looks great! i love the soft blues. good luck with your exams!

Oh wow, I ADORE your summer diary layout, it's so pretty!! The hydrangeas are so soft and perfect for the season ; __ ; I'm happy to hear you had fun on your trip as well!! Getting out of your routine can really help realign your perspective--crossing fingers your next one does the same! ♡

Congrats on touching grass near Mt. Fuji! And I hope you're able to achieve the grades you're after. That's impressive. Your experiences in Japan are fascinating to read about thus far. A cute summer layout as well of course ♡

@kana thank you!! i'll do my best!!

@sarah thank youuuu!! i love hydrangeas so i honestly jumped at the chance to make my summer diary themed after them hehe ^__^ i love stepping out of my routine like this and am hoping to do a lot more before i have to head home!

@bridget thank you, that really means a lot coming from you!! ;__; im a little shy when it comes to commenting sometimes but getting to read your readings also is something i enjoy a lot!

ehh, really!? from me??? im no one around these parts, have no fear! trust me. that's so special to say though because i'm mega shy too ;_; we're in this boat together then. you're more than welcome to comment to me anything you'd like anytime you have the urge. but if you want private instead of my profile you can Discord/email if you want too if it makes it any easier. you're free to chat with me 100% i promise

New diary entry again today. Hoping I can squeeze one more in after this so my final Spring post isn't depressing as hell. Alternate title: (long, drawn-out groan of frustration)

oh kiley... i hope that writing out your feelings brought you some catharsis. it's only natural to want relief from all the pain you've been in for so long. do you think you could forgive yourself for being in this rut if you acknowledged the fact that you've been beating yourself up *over & over* for YEARS? it's a habit at this point, ofc it's hard to stop! but with effort (which you're putting in, i know) and time

you'll be able to move forward into the happy future that's waiting for you. i wish i could say something profound that would make you finally see you are a good person, that your existence is valuable, that your efforts pay off, and that everyone deserves the chance to grow beyond who they were as a teenager, but i'm not sure the right words even exist. all i can do is commend you for trying as hard as you are,

and for holding onto hope even when things are so painful. i know that you can make it <3 you're already on your way. ...sorry for writing so much, heh;; your entry really moved me, is all. i couldn't pass by without cheering you on

Aww Kiley, I'm sending you my love! It's so hard getting trapped in these cycles where you ruminate over and over again, because it easily snowball into something out of your control. We can punish ourselves in ways that we would never want to see our loved ones do... which, easier said than done, is something I try to remind myself. You're worthy enough to cherish yourself as you do with others!

Anxiety, or that dark voice inside, really seeks to destroy the things the things we care about the most. You trying your best to resist it shows your hard work and growth in the present. Ahhh I don't wanna ramble or overstep too much, but please take care!! ♡♡ ; __ ;

I hope I'm not out of line here socially since I'm just a NeoCities mutual, but you aren't your past. You don't "deserve" anything based on mistakes you made as a teenager. Shame isn't useful when you're just bullying yourself in your head over and over again. You don't have to prove your worth to the world; you have it inherently as a human being. I hope you can see yourself the way others see you one day ♡

@flonne i truly, truly appreciate your kind words. i'm at a loss for words from your kindness, and i hope that at the very least my reply can assure you i appreciate them deeply ;__;

@sarah don't worry, you didn't overstep at all! ;__; i'll do my best to keep pushing forward, i really do appreciate what you've said here– i'd never want to see my loved ones treat themselves the way i treat myself. i hope that i can take that on board a lot more in these coming months. thank you, truly

@amy, don't worry, i don't consider it overstepping. i really do appreciate what you've said here, and i want to take it to heart as much as i can. like flonne said, it's a habit that's gonna take a lot to break since i've been pushing this mindset for many years now... thank you very, very much for reaching out to me and saying this, i appreciate it a ton ;__;

@kiley of course, and glad to hear that! ♡ Your diary entry was timely for me in the since that just last week I was dwelling on my behavior as a teen as well... affirmations like "I did my best with the knowledge" I had are useful for me, so maybe they'll help as you well! You deserve peace of mind! ♡♡