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Games are strange to think back on for sure. That tendency to try to pull more meaning out of it is pathological probably since it was an all-encompassing presence. And that if you somehow figure it out you could recover the joy from it -- also, I wonder if there's a term for what you described: those trying to hype and slather makeup on something that feels hollow
i've checked out some of those bands you linked to, you have quite the interest in "no-audience underground" music. i honestly don't know much about Chinese rock beyond Cui Jian, or more recently, Chinese Football (and that is only because i'm a fan of American Football).
@daliwali thanks for looking at the bands i link to -- at least 50% of why i write on this website is to trick other people into exploring the music i like. cui jian is great, especially his lyrics, and chinese football is definitely a big part of the zeitgeist in shanghai: i feel like that's become the default sound for college students starting their first band to imitate.
i do like some popular rock bands! thanks to your comment, i spent some time today cleaning up this essay i wrote last year about New Pants, which is simultaneously one of China's most popular rock bands and is (or at least once was) very good imo: https://saddleblasters.neocities.org/essays/231130
@siqu yeah, i think a lot of the issue for me is the gulf between what was once "an all-encompassing presence" for my childhood and even early 20s, and the fact that now video games have come to more or less a dead end for me emotionally. a lot of the other things i cared about as a kid did continue to grow into something that still has relevance to me now, yet video games still seem to lie dormant inside of me
it seems like the only way to extend videogames is to make videogames, but it's just such an endeavor
and that was precisely the problem I had with making games: I was ultimately just trying to turn all of that emotional investment accumulated over the years into something "valuable". By it's very nature this forced me to constantly be empathising with my previous selves, taking all their feelings seriously, which was too exhausting (though maybe this is just an excuse)
don't think there's anything wrong with trying to get a return on investment. it'd be cool to make a videogame, and that alone is enough justification. it's just frustrating since it's a multi-disciplinary product -- music, sprites, sounds, design, story and then the actual programming. you'd have to _really_ want to make a videogame to push through all of those roles, to where it makes more sense to invest elsewhere
nah i don't think it's petty to dislike people objectifying your work. "minor" things can affect people in major ways. it's like how when people listen to depressing japanese songs and say "Wow, this sounds to happy! If only it wasn't for the lyrics..." like I don't get how it sounds happy. In most cases, it's probably not meant to. It's just a weird interpritation that peoples' misery is "so kawaii xdxd"
i completely agree.. i've gotten a lot more stressed about how peole view my site. it feels like people just see it as an aesthetic instead of something i put work into, something that is like an extension of me almost
Man, that diary entry pulled some complicated feelings from deep within me, ones that I usually bury. But no, wanting to be truly seen, and not just simply looked at, is not hateful, spiteful, or bitchy.
Big agree on what niicespiice said, all these parts are not at odds with one another, they are part of the same whole.
I don't like your site *just because* there are bunch of pretty blinkling lights, and not *just because* there is a diary with a lot of venting, I like it because it feels like I'm stepping into someone's home, treating it any other way feels disrespectful.
At the end of the day, we have to hold those who earnestly try to see us for who we are close to us, and tell the others to kindly piss off.
not bitter. i get you. theres a large crowd that scrubs the personality out of anything in favor of aesthetics; dont even read the words people write, just admire the layouts etc etc. i cant help but play with code and try to make things look nice, but sometimes it does certainly feel like thatll be the only thing that ever 'matters'
I think itโs like when people only compliment appearance, but not character. Even if you changed your website to just a blank page I would still wait for updates, to know that you are well and for love to your poetry. Your layout itโs beautiful - it showcases your interests and hard work, but itโs not the best nor only part of velvetblue - you are.
I recently followed your site because I respected your site approach, but knew it and liked it even before that. I think there are more shy people like that than there are the kind of people you're talking about here. :)
also for the record, i don't care for the "old web revival" stuff. i look at neocities to see peoples' personal thoughts, but i don't care about it as some sort of "let's bring back the old internet." i don't LIKE modern social media but i also don't care about the old internet either, ykyk? they have their own flaws, and it feels very "owo im quirky," obsessing over retro things.
when an artistic work is released to the public, it inevitably becomes an entity with a life of its own separate from its creator. this happens with novels, paintings, and yes websites. for better or worse, this is just the reality of art let out into the world
i guess you just have to determine whether the good connections you make by going public outweigh the reactions you perceive as negative, and just enjoy the process of creation
I have a lot of mixed feelings about Neocities' social-media features (follows, view counts, stats, number of likes), and I could do without them, I've been thinking of dusting off my coding skills to make a userscript to hide that stuff.
However I do appreciate the message & comments feature, in some ways it feels like a slightly more exclusive guestbook, since you know that these are other webmasters who are more likely to appreciate and engage with what you put out, instead of passersby who are just in it for the c00l aesthetic.
I understand. I'm conflicted about this too. I want my next web project to be a very personal thing for me. At the same time, I lament about how people are going to receive it. Eventually my website starts to feel awkward. Like I don't know where to put it. Or if I should host it anywhere at all.
For everybody here, web design is another art form. Can't say the same for other people though. No matter what you do, just know that you have my support. Expressing yourself, especially like this, takes a lot.
reply to soulbox: I also used to feel conflicted about wanting to make my art for myself but also wanting it to be received well by others, I eventually landed on "creating not just for personal expression, but for communication, not to be liked by people, but to be understood", that mindset sort of resolved that for me, personally.
While I don't usually reply to site updates, I do remember to check them every week. I don't think most people separate someone's personality and their site on here maliciously, but it is 100% valid to be frustrated at that. I love aesthetics as much as the next person, but it's really the authors' words and expression of themselves that ultimately makes me keep checking back in on their sites, including yours.
VII - A Just Inequality ... where I tell my HR Professor why women should be barred from going into the Artic on wooden ships (surrounded by other ramblings)
FYI, I wish I could come up with titles summing all the content of each entry, but I can't stand linebreaks on center-margined text.
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coffee system splatoon physics creative websites wip bugs profile apps birds webdevelopment television witchcraft python book free deportes research juegos dolls transgender finance linguistics gamedevelopment band site cybersecurity lore events meme astronomy fortnite dreams rap pixels developer alternative robots work fansite deltarune projects photo security windows toys anything family touhou flowers online fanfic dog genshin pizza lol twine singing hobbies fnf personalwebsite mathematics breakcore roleplaying links zonelets puzzle humor twitch app android fish all scenecore data dragons aliens no a characterdesign knitting sleep gifs interactive vampires rp wiki adventure modding ffxiv mentalhealth teaching home hobby cartoon privacy bio interests theatre death english tf2 drawings pixel mystery gamedesign gallery noise skateboarding animations deporte bitcoin medicine astrology hiking awesome stamps fandoms audio graphic danganronpa computing tvshows podcast hiphop robotics swag chess sleeping rpgs shrine misc lolita resources collecting gothic zine tarot crafting dreamcore doom dancing meow java puzzles electronic car journalism mario things girls communism recipes jfashion plushies socialmedia boardgames tcc christianity none law progamming js utau visualnovels blender estudiante 80s vent essays old wrestling production clowns flash myself epic objectshows moda romance scratch paranormal student anarchism tumblr omori ecommerce poems truecrime enstars gyaru pictures programas gym educational computerscience pc webdev curso osc help images creepypasta intro lesbian spanish closedspecies coquette translation mythology otherkin running indiegames homepage plurality god southpark geography monsters activism traveling stars environment dark tabletop piano feminism baseball search maths college ocean travelling realestate programar hardware introduction podcasts trains bts vtubers retrogaming forum lego outdoors 3dmodeling store bfdi cafe kidcore warriorcats novels pastel dev shoes starwars hellokitty transformers miriadax yoga escuela marvel opensource turismo chemistry multimedia creepy whatever shitposting jewelry cyber techno maps event yes services species vkei jazz cryptocurrency kirby css3 foods gamer musicals jpop bunnies collection yaoi weed filmmaking learn tools petz construction informacion angels weather persona vhs blockchain fotografia mcr designing style horses gatos insects peliculas text depression sound drugs restaurant did frutigeraero mobile people freedom economics tourism surreal salud brasil acting furniture cricket dinosaurs digitalmarketing conspiracy surrealism craft egl songs therian tutorials homework cine novel args foss cv videoediting analysis grunge medical animanga popculture hi world ideas service halloween socialism practice sharks tea rpgmaker twitter estudio animales swimming hockey dj bible collage lgbtqia fishing networking sciencefiction artwork google birthday stickers yuri general rats ecology class prompts ropa modeling wedding edm guns videography truth water noticias drama pop cultura alterhuman conlang neocities racing tic hair trading libros videogaming review cryptids live academic ghosts desarrollo supernatural plural company skating society cs women cleaning jesus erotica glitch studying historia frontend php tennis soft genshinimpact bsd datascience animes cycling tareas future jjba frogs tecnology shitpost theater author scary chatting mods bot volleyball ambient quotes 3dprinting nerd brazil ux library advertising hardcore pjsk anarchy skincare tattoos christian schoolproject unblocked training server revival programmer miku halflife viajes aviation neopets kandi university index ar rhythmgames bikes chill synthesizers kin church jobs bl idols photoshop sculpture camping healthcare lostmedia csgo house startrek evangelion instagram hack disney theory rainbow dating anthropology shrines programa retrogames desing knowledge finalfantasy download visualnovel blood onepiece conlangs anthro apple graffiti designer tokipona building entretenimiento new kids cult colors academia paganism creatures theology bands vlog spooky character industrial silliness pruebas programs illustrations tarea trabajo sustainability archives ios miscellaneous something sociology youtuber crime 4chan jokes batman otaku magick interactivefiction meditation articles webseries analog communication performance tiktok overwatch lolitafashion retrocomputing friendship 3dart practicas cards exercise alt disability unix green creation ultrakill visualkei beer chaos play party zelda vegan mylittlepony generator facts animal rambling blue webring sites proyecto map animalcrossing yugioh sims nft ciencia club hotel garfield developing french gis stupid writer joke literatura gender educativo archival vampire geocities cozy pet content shoegaze musicproduction men crd eating os notes marxism liminal superheroes esoteric digimon vtubing netflix mushrooms tokusatsu analoghorror conlanging tattoo cheese self rave statistics magazine dc geek repair kink shit vrchat garden riddle voiceacting electronica chiptune poop originalcharacter time studio draw network spiderman mtg wow dungeonsanddragons doodles mecha agriculture tutorial satire vinyl ui words lofi black tips commission genealogy directory gacha medieval musician military label happy ceramics original rants oldroblox ranfren mcyt city cringe travels guide vidya spongebob folklore shifting motorcycles streamer hyperpop jogos steam minimalism casino christmas sonicthehedgehog talking doctorwho products private e charity martorell tallyhall professional selfship adhd biography randomstuff bass database spiritual hosting tamagotchi war underground handmade beginner iot selfshipping pizzatower evil secret academico calculator cities the archiving yeah projectsekai sketching planes automotive f1 assignment creativewriting
13 new poems <3