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the spiral/cycle of panic and anxiety you're describing is so painful to deal with... my heart really aches for you. it's not easy, but you can find your way out of it, and even before that i want to tell you that you're valuable just as you are. you dont need to be perfect or even capable to be lovable, or deserving of happiness, hope, relief... just by being born, you already have everything you need.

it sounds like your problems are severe enough to warrant more therapy than the typical "1 session every 1-2 weeks." i know i definitely need to go at least 2-3 times weekly, heh. being shut inside & isolated is no joke! if you're at all interested in self-help, i really like The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi. i didn't get very far in it myself, but what little i read did seriously help me

Thanks for the reassuring words, Flonne. <3 I’ll check out the book you mentioned.