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It makes me sad to read that you hate yourself, because you seem like an incredible person.
Don't be so hard on yourself, you are a great person ;A;
thanks guys >~< i know i shouldnt be so hard on myself but its just hard sometimes
Often we are our own harshest critics. Honestly, being in such a cosy environment probably just makes things worse. Being made to confront yourself full-time sucks, and you realise how much has been left unattended. In a desperate situation, at least you can find comfort in "nothing can be done" or "it's just the situation I'm in," when everything is fine, and the problem comes from within, it's on another level.
Feel no guilt or shame, head stuff sucks and we all have to deal with it at some point or another. Stay strong.