Neocities.org

... to the conversation and people laughing intensely. I think for a while I wanted so desperately to be considered an interesting person, someone people would talk about when they're not around, but now I wonder if I need chase the label or notion of "interesting" at all... boredom and boring is important too.

I wonder if the search for "interesting" is similar to the way some feel towards "youth" and "beauty" — a few weeks ago I shared on the social media site of which will not be named that I'm excited to grow older, and today part of me wonders if that's my relative youth and naivety speaking.

I think back to that comment someone left on a video, how their loved one grows so much more beautiful with age, and I feel content again.

Time feels like it moves faster (or maybe it feels like you're moving faster in time) as you grow older because [xyz science and relativity], but is the Old Geezer trope, the jaded adult (start training early at 23! free trials with discount code PESSIMISTER22), the "drown my sorrows in coffee / alcohol" trope so prevalent also because we forget how to access wonder and awe? Because we forget how outright bonkers...

... it is to be alive at all? (Insert 16 disclaimers about privilege, appropriately self aware statements covering all possible and fictional bases to ever exist)

I think your site is very unique and interesting. I know validation from outsiders is probably not the solution, but I felt the need to say that I really like your design and I think it shows that your mind works in ways I wish to understand. I liked reading your thoughts.

I've come to realise that watchable people on Youtube are generally charismatic and I've kind of wished I could present myself that way. In my head I'm interesting and funny, but presenting this to others regularly feels like hard work to me.