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I am sending you love

Truly hope things look up for you soon. Best wishes.

Hope you feel better, it's hard to get out of that space but it's possible...

You're really hard on yourself! You say you're not getting any better, but look at the progress you've made now vs where you were a year or two ago. Sometimes healing our minds is dreadfully, painfully slow but that's ok, what matters is that we keep trying. The hard part is persistence of course... It's so much easier to just give up isn't it? But you deserve better than that. You owe it to yourself.

A friend once told me she operates on a "stop light" system. Green light for when she is having a good mental health day, where she pushes herself to her limits and accomplishes great things. Yellow light for when she is in the middle, doing what she can manage. And red light, for those hard times. When you are in "red light", let your body and mind rest.

Never feel guilty about letting your body rest when you're feeling unwell, and there will be a time when you're in "green light" again. That's your window of opportunity! The cycle can be a little maddening, but it gets easier to manage, I promise. I hope you feel better.

thank you orin, capy, jay... you didnt have to say anything, but you took the time anyway and for that i'm grateful

and arachne, thank you for reminding me that by design this process is slow. i can hate it, i can be frustrated by it, i can go into despair about it, but no matter how strong my resistance or how mournful my lament, it's just going to take time. a long time. in the meantime, i'll try to be patient and forgiving. thank you for your insight