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I understand being surrounded by people who aren't helpful to your cause. I understand blacking out too but I'm dissociative. I hope you're able to give yourself a break, even if just for a little bit. Sometimes you gotta step back from it all and that it's totally okay to do so.

I empathise with the feeling of cruelty. It can be a shell one falls into as protection. Perhaps that is the shadow around you.

Here's to better days, Blue ♡ I don't want to overstep anything here, so feel more than free to ignore or delete this, but I think rather than cruelty, that feeling you're speaking of may be jadedness & that is only natural & you are not to blame for that. I hope your pain eases soon.

no worries, you aren't overstepping anything. i guess i am pretty jaded, tbh. its a little reassuring knowing thats it not anything strange, though. thanks for the kind words, i think i just need to slow down a little

what you need is to re-focus yourself. couple of matches in a good ol' fighting games may help you slow down

Exactly! I get the same way & need to... I don't know, kind of go back to myself. I think rest & slowing down will do you good (o˘◡˘o)

For what it's worth, I get where you're coming from. I think a lot of trouble comes from when I feel unjustified in my emotions, which then turn the negative emotions inward as a way to blame myself. I try to remind myself that I don't need enough reason to feel things, that my feelings are my own & I can feel anything I want. Hoping you feel better soon.

yeah, i get that. i think its just a lot of things getting to me, maybe. at the end of the day, i still feel what i feel, and i think thats okay. thanks for the advice and the kind words!

i feel you so much! sending you love and strength

I'm sorry you feel that way and it's so nice that you have so much insight over self-destructive tendencies. Hope you can find a healthy way to express your feelings and cope, at least while you can't get away from people who abuse you.